Falling in love with ..

I wasn't always quick to cry my makeup off. If anyone has any knowledge of me, they're aware that I have a passion for makeup, therefore crying it off, isn't my first option. 

I wasn't always quick to block out the entire audience and lay flat on my face crying to God with no shame whatsoever. 

I wasn't always quick to lift up my hands even when a crowd of people are lifting theirs.

I wasn't always quick to show off my love for Jesus or to even  mention his name to others. 

I wasn't always quick to be the first to volunteer to pray.

In fact, I'll be honest. I was quick to think about what others would think of me not considering that my life was not in their hands. I would have a strong urge to lift my hands and I'd look around and suddenly become numb. 

I was quick to uphold a mask everyday because I felt as if no one should see my true side. 

I didn't think I could handle what God had to offer me nor did I think I deserved it and because of this I hid for years. Attempting to train my body, my mind, and heart into what God wouldn't desire anymore. I know, It sounds crazy, but it's true 

I wasn't ready to sacrifice everything I worked so hard to build. ( selfish me ) From being scarred from being bullied for years to finally getting over that hill. I couldn't risk being the outcast anymore. 

I was quick to say NO. 

But somehow God has a way of letting you drown yourself in your mess. And that's what happened. I was tired of running. I was exhausted of hiding who I truly am. 

July 4th marked three years since I surrendered to God and honestly you have to experience his love for yourself. It's the best love you'll EVER receive.

I remember my first speaking engagement. It was just a few months into waving my white flag and I'll be quite honest that's when I realized that my life would never be the same. Many environments started to become awkward and soon text messages faded, my contact list became shorter and I had to realize that God was emptying the cup that he didn't desire for my life. 

Many times I find myself attempting to explain how much I love Jesus, but even you seeing me flat on my face and crying my makeup off still isn't enough to explain my love for him.

My life is a complete work of God. 

I am in love with Jesus and the one thing I was afraid of is one of the best and most important aspects in my life. I wish I could truly go into detail about my life story with you, but even a book wouldn't fit it all.

I'm thankful. I'm grateful. 



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